Bliss and Mayhem

 It was a 40 something degree day, the day that the sky turned red and I thought that we had entered the set of a movie scene.  We had moved to our farm about 10 days earlier, still excited about being in a new area and even using GPS to get our bearings to get to the closest Kmart, Woolies and Coles ( which in reality is only 12 minute drive away ).  I had boxes still packed and piled up all around, barely emptied the kitchen items and essentials and was prepping for our first Christmas at the farm.  I call it a farm - in fact, it's just a block, 21 acres in total. The history of our "farm" was back in the day it was a roaring dairy farm with evidence still in some of our paddocks. It then evolved into a table grapes farm for many years. Cattle and sheep roamed for some time on these acres and then another farmer decided to pull all the vines out and plant acres upon acres of barley. I've been told that when it was planted with barley it looked magical with the f...

 Another beautiful sunrise i watched this morning.  Overnight is was a minimum of 25 degrees. Our "swampy" (evaporative cooling) was running all night. Most people hate sleeping in the heat but for some reason i find it the most comfortable.  You know Summer has hit the Sunraysia region when my ritual of watching the sunrise require sunglasses. The sun is BRIGHT.  It's Sunday. Which usually means that my mind starts preplanning for the week ahead. I look around the house and try to work out what needs to be cleaned up. Then I can't be bothered. It's only a couple of weeks till Christmas and I'm still trying to wrangle all the lists of what i want to get organised beforehand.  I hate Christmas time. Always have. But. The kids. The kids love this time of year.  So Santa is getting talked about here, we're trying to work out where he is going to park he sleigh on our farm. Jack definetly doesn't want him coming to his room and Santa needs to shrink t...

 What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Or hurls you into a mental breakdown. I'm doing okay. Of recent weeks, I've felt really strong. My mental state of mind has been good and then BAM. Hits you like bricks been thrown at you full throttle.  I have never felt this fragile my entire life like i have this year. It's like walking on eggshells in your mind and trying to maneuver your way around the track so you don't crush them even  more.  Giving mental high-fives to yourself when your "good day" means a smile and lightness and no sick feelings in the tummy, or clenching your fists tights to try and have some control over the physical reaction to anxiety.  It's fucking awful.  And the Virgo - control freak that I am, has felt so many times of helplessness in 2018. As much as my beloved can drive me absolutely crazy at times, my worry for him will never cease as we tackle his illness together.  For better and for worse.  I'm tired. I'm t...