2015 has been a massive year for us. We have had some really huge highs as well as epic lows. It’s also been a year of growth, of re-confirming what is really important in life and ensuring to savour moments, family and friends.
I have always known that this mother-hood gig would be a journey, especially with the experience that I have had with my first, Ethan.
For many years in the early days it was really, really hard. It felt like a never-ending day, with no break of trying to work out how to mother him the best way I could. My little boy was diagnosed with Autism when he was two years old. He screamed for hours on end. He would smash his head against the walls in his bedroom out of frustration. He flinched when I tried to console him or cuddle him. He would look at me but through me, doing anything possible to avoid eye contact. I was, at the best of times an exhausted mess trying to just, do it.
Looking back, I’m not sure how we did get through it. How he got through it. How Steve & I actually got through it. The family unit can be put under such strain in times of heartache, difficulty – I understand how they can break.
But we didn’t break.. Slowly and every so methodically, we were persistent and patient with Ethan, helping him learn new skills, speech, play and all the hard work that all of us do has helped mould and shape this boy into a wonderful young man.
This year, was Ethan’s final year of primary school. He attends a special – school, which I am convinced, has been so critical in helping him learn so much. The magnitude of a main-stream school would have been too much for him, an overload on his sensories as well as possibility of being lost in the class which would had affected his learning, inside the classroom and out.
So in preparation for entering into the world of High School, I began our plan of slowly introducing some new tasks, routines and skills. You see, it takes about 2-6 months for a new skill to be reinforced with Ethan. It’s like planning a forecast report where you always need to think ahead.
And my main concern has been safety and independence. My biggest wish and hope is that with all the support and love that he receives we are able to prepare him for life later on that he will be able to live, work and be independent.
I think most parents just “assume” that this will be the case for their children. That question mark hangs over me every day.
So we got a mobile for Ethan a few weeks ago, to start practicing how to text us. It was probably more of a huge moment for me than it was for him as he is the “techie king” and love computers, tablets and phones. We’ve been texting each other everyday. The simple, “hi, how are you?”, to “where are you?”, “what are you having for dinner?” and building them up. It still trips me out every time my phone buzzes and there is a new text from my boy. When did this happen?
It couldn’t have been more prevalent than on his graduation night this week. I had been looking forward to this night since his first day of school. Trying to imagine what he would be like, how tall he would be, would he talk? – it was so impossible get a picture in my head of what that would be like when he was 5 years old.
I am so proud of my son. I couldn’t stop smiling throughout the whole ceremony so grateful for all the love and support we have received on this journey so far. So amazed by the extraordinary teachers that love what they do and put so much time and effort in helping children with special needs grow.
I pinch myself every day that I am my Ethan’s mother. He chose me to be his mum. That’s pretty cool. And with all the challenges that he faces everyday, I could not be prouder of the man he is becoming. The belief that anything is possible and you can do it comes from the determination that I see in his eyes.
In letting go, just a little throughout this year, I’m learning to loosen the strings a bit and allow my baby who isn’t a baby anymore to become a fabulous young man.
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