The Ego and the "unlike"

  

 

My mantra is that I am the ever working progress and the older I get the more I realise that life is short and to make the most of all there is.

I am a sponge and love to soak in new things, new ideals, outlooks and forms of self- improvement.

My strike rate record for committing to extra-curricular things is quite low. The idea of a hobby is always so tantalizing but in practice my attention span for it mostly lasts a couple of months and then I give up.

I have had countless gym memberships, yoga groups, online courses and the like, where it seems like a good idea at the time, to only close the door on those “me time” things due to time constraints, working full-time and basically being a mum with not enough hours in the day.

So over a year ago now, I got thinking about “what can I do for me?” and the first thing that popped into my head was to start a blog.

“But what on earth would I write about?” “Would anyone actually read it?”

The immediate reaction was doubt. In myself.

I also wanted to be authentic, to who and how I am. Because, I do swear, can be loud and may not be everyone’s cup of tea.

But fuck it. I did it.

The hours and hours of time that I put in initially to build my blog, the time and care that was put in, to learn coding, to listen to advice now nearly 15 months ago was such a wonderful growing time which cemented my love for my little blog. I actually didn’t care whether anyone read it. I loved that little space for me on the internet where I could unload, share and express my happenings, my happiness, my sadness – all the things that were going on for me and also share my experience with Autism – something very dear to my heart.

I started growing. From the few friends that “liked” my blog, “liked” my page to people I didn’t know. What a gorgeous compliment and warm and fuzzy feeling that brought with a little pat on the back to say “You’re doing well hun”.

I have also met some of the most amazing people especially throughout the blogging community with this journey. The like minded people that put it all out there and bare themselves on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. I am protective of my blogging friends especially when negativity goes their way. It’s bloody hard putting your heart on your sleeve.

Returning back from my trip away {OMG book a trip to Bali ASAP!} I spent some time catching up on my favourite reads of fabulous blogs and also reviewed my blogs Facebook page to see how it was travelling.

I had lost 15 “likes” in the space of a week.

I have to tell you it stung. I felt hurt that some of my followers had chosen to “unlike” me.

Even though this blog and my intention was not for the “glory” of it – I felt a little twang in my tummy of that yucky feeling.

Because the ego has a funny way of lurking his head up occasionally.

I was writing a piece about refugees – a bit of a deep thinking piece and I had to park it, {Don’t worry – it will one day come out of drafts and go live} because for a second I had that feeling of doubt. 

Again.

So I’m putting it out there to you, my friends, my readers of the “funk” feeling that I’ve recently had. But I’m still here.

Raging and still loving this space.

 

I’m just having a bit of a moment with my Ego.