Bliss and Mayhem

     A little tear left my eye a couple of days ago. You see, this plate had been a constant in our household for the last 10 years. Not just any plate, but a plate that saw many great times and not so great times with Ethan growing up and his Autism.   I don’t even remember where it came from. How we got it.   I don’t even really like monkeys. Ethan saw the plate broken on the bench and didn’t even flinch. I was the one that was sentimental and emotional about it all – it had meaning to me not him. He learnt how to use cutlery with this plate. Steve and I spent hours upon hours coaxing him to eat dinner, and this was while as a 4 year old boy, he had limited to no verbal skills, screaming for up to 8 hours a day with spontaneous nose bleeds and head banging against walls just from his pure frustration of not being able to communicate or be understood.   Autism.   Fuck me.   IT.WAS.HARD. I didn’t hear the word “mum” until he was nearly ...

     I really thought that I knew it all – you know, back in the day when I was a ripe old age of 18! The time when being 30 and being responsible was decades away and when my biggest concern was how I was going to afford a big night out and to make sure that I remembered the guys name the next day. And looking back, I did know everything then, for me, at that time. But the older and older that I am getting, I’m coming to the realisation that I know nothing of what I once thought, that everything can change and that the only thing that I can control, is my ability to have the correct outlook for myself in my life.   FUCK that’s deep.   You heard it right here.   Something though happened when I turned 30. Call it “a moment”, call it “my Oprah ahaha”, whatever it may have been – it got me thinking about my legacy. We have only got one go of this thing we call life (that we remember or know of) and before I know it, I will be old, hopefully not for...

  image  source and credit I recently had my first date with PMS. I mean seriously people! This shit is BAD!  I have always had a tumultuous relationship with my uterus ever since I can remember. Painful periods, endometriosis, a very scary cancer scare last year { ladies, get a pap smear EVERY YEAR! }, we really were not on the best terms for ages, but I can give my lady area some credit – it helped me create these two beauties:   But through all my hormonal trouble I had never really experienced this so called “PMS”. I thought “oh yeah, so you crack it a bit at a certain time of the month”, no big deal until the beast within me awoke.  I had been on birth control from my late teens to control acne, painful periods and the rest. And my body was only off them when “oops” pregnant at 19 and then having the little guy a few years ago. I felt like a zombie on that shit. GOD it played with my mind, but a girls got to do what a girls got to do.  So when ...

 There is such a huge lead up to Christmas. With all the hustle and bustle of the shops, pressies galore and making sure that supplies are in check because my goodness the shops are going to be closed for ONE WHOLE DAY!  My side of the family always celebrate Christmas Eve, a Polish tradition which actually suits us perfect as our Christmas day entails, opening more pressies at home, Ethan going to spend Christmas day at his dads and after that our house is open to whoever wants to pop in for some Christmas cheer aka food, wine and music!   It was my little niece’s first Christmas and as we are quite a loud bunch, poor Bonnie had no chance of sleeping. Especially with her cousins (my boys) running mad around the place, people talking, eating, drinking and having a great time. I tell you what, I take my hat off to my little sister, 4 weeks ago she had a baby, and rocking up to Christmas , presents in tow and looking so fabulous - I know I wouldn't have been able to be s...

 It’s so important to take a little time out, especially when you got a couple of kids in tow…time is never enough and time out for the parents comes far and few for us lately.   So with the opportunity of going for an afternoon to check out Jimmy Barnes, The Living End, You Am I and Mahalia Barnes, at the Rochford Winery   for A Day on the Green   was like “whoop! Date time with the husby”   If you ever have the opportunity to go to one of the events, I totally recommend it! Especially when the weather was like it was yesterday… perfect! The day on the green is held in wineries all over the country, a perfect backdrop to roll out the picnic rug, dips and crackers, enjoy a few drops of the local wine and listen to some fabulous entertainment.   We love Jimmy Barnes  and Steve does especially from the good old Cold Chisel  days. Man he can still belt out the tunes… going song after song with no break! The guy has gone through some big ups and...

 I wouldn’t call myself the Christmas Grinch, but perhaps I would be close to it. I have never really been a massive fan of the silly season, where you see severe over – spending, people in the shopping centres going absolutely nuts buying up, scrambling for the last presents - it really does bring out the dog eat dog scenario for some.  I do however, every year, pull out the Christmas tree from the cupboard or in some recent years, spent ridiculous money for a real one, and over an hour, Ethan and I would stand a few metres away from the tree and literally throw the tinsel on, place the decorations, no order and “prettiness” to it – Our Xmas tree would be a McLean shambles! But it was ours and would stand there in the corner of the lounge till Boxing Day.  Because of Ethan’s Autism, for many years he did not have any real concept what Christmas was about, who Santa was and the like, and I guess that also added to the care factor for me around Christmas.  But sin...

 I’m sure we have all felt like this at one point or another. I mean, sometimes all your need is someone. And that feeling was at its peak 8 years ago. We had started to look at rentals to move to a new area. We wanted to be closer to work, which would mean less travel time = less road rage.  Not me, I mean the husby.  A major stumbling block though was Ethan’s childcare. How the hell were we going to find somewhere that would be sensitive to his needs, understanding of his Autism and could he really handle a change like that.  I LOVE my children, everything about them. But the first 5 years old Ethan’s life was some of the most exhausting, emotional, { I have no idea what the fuck I was doing}, times of my life.  This kid, as gorgeous as he was/is, screamed for up to 8 hours a day, had close to no verbal communication skills, spontaneous nose bleeds, head banging against walls, ubber sensitive to noise and touch and would spend hours obsessively spinning wh...