Bliss and Mayhem

  I am the daughter of migrants. My parents migrated from Poland to Australia in the 80’s during a big movement of Europeans migrating to Australia. They arrived in Melbourne, after claiming asylum in Austria under social and economic distress. Their story, which I only heard in full a few years ago, still blows my mind away. My parents left Poland during a time where there was much unrest in their country. Communist rule governed the nation. There were national curfews in place, food and housing restriction and control. You could get stopped on the street at any time by the police and they could arrest you and didn't need to let your family know where you were. If you were out in public after 10pm, you had better had a good reason; otherwise there was the possibility of being arrested and detained. Waiting in line for food for hours upon hours was the norm. Not being allowed to own a business for longer than 7 years and then handing back your livelihood to the government w...

        " Will he ever be able to read properly?" " I don't know." "You know, like a Harry Potter book or something?" "I'm really not sure. We didn't even think he would be able to speak to us a few years ago, but I think he may have trouble with big stories, maybe even filling out and understanding forms when he's older. I just don't know..." This is part of a conversation that I had recently with Ethan's Dad. Those questions that I do not have the answers for. As a mum, I am wracking my brain to work out ways that I can help Ethan with giving him the best tools and skills so that he can get through this thing we call life.  Society is brutal. And I can only imagine how even more brutal and perhaps frightening it could be for a young person with an Intellectual Disability trying to navigate their way through the maze.  I just want to protect him for the rest of my days. As Mothers do.  I've reached out to a...

       I have started this post probably 50 times and that damn blinking curser on the blank page just stares back at me. Blink, blink, and blink. It has been quite easy to just press the, as my son says “x marks the spot” and shut it all down, but I continue to be drawn to open this blank page and the nudge to start pressing the buttons on the keyboard has finally allowed the fingers to start pressing. The human condition can suck balls. Most of the time.  I’ll digress. I have, ever since I can remember, had an intense feeling of inadequacy. I have, ever since I can remember felt truly alone in the world. I have, ever since I can remember had a looming sadness – a sadness that you feel in the deep, down depths of your stomach. When it comes to the “flight or fight” mode, there has always been the fight in me. I have struggled my entire life to ever be told what to do, how to think, who to be. This has served me well though throughout my life, but it has ...

    Links under video are some of the places we visited        Andrews Airport Parking Melbourne Airport Ossotel Hotel Bar - Best Mojitos!     Carla Spa - Padma Utura - Legian Kusnadi Hotel Double Six Beach   Warung Malang - Kuta Warung Souvlaki - double 6 Pearl Restaurant & Hotel - Seminyak   Tegenungan Waterfalls Rice Terrace Cafe - Tellalang, Gianyar Segway Tours - Sanur Bali Bule Barbeque - Where to get the best Ribs! Splash Water Park Canggu Swiss- Bellin - Roof Top Bar Black Bird Tattoo Nusa Lembongan Rock Bar - Ayana Resort Gojek   We used Jetstar for our flights - http://www.jetstar.com/au/en/home    

 My reality a few weeks ago was this;   I had been absolutely hanging, I mean hanging for this latest Bali trip. Guys, I can’t really put my finger on it but the place just has a grab on me and I do anything possible to keep finding those cheap flight deals to call Steve and go, “guess what? We’re going back!” It was a great trip. Like really awesome! There wasn’t much shopping or bringing suitcases loads of crap back – but a chill trip, showing my parents the Island of the Gods { it was their first trip to Bali } and getting that R&rR that I desperately needed. And then landing back in Melbourne to sub zero temperatures {okay, not that cold but you get the drift} – I got sick. Firstly, with a nasty, annoying cold that lingered around for about a week. Instead of singlet tops and ripped jean shorts, I was rugged up with 5 layers on, scarf and beanie in tow – Melbourne’s winter was not just coming, it had came. Game of Thrones anyone?  Then the second wave ...

 Well yesterday, Melbourne's fury of the cold hit. We woke to a mild morning but the sky was clear and I was even undecided about turning on the heater.  Well, two hours later, the heavens opened up in all it's glory and Mother Nature brought a storm of all storms to Melbourne. There was flash flooding, uncontrollable winds and the temperature dropped dramatically. Winter is not just coming, winter is here.  I don't know about you but I'm am, through and through, a summer gal. Give me warm sunny days and nights, where the sun takes hours more to set and I'm not feeling like a constant reptile in search for the elusive sun to beat down on my face.  As I get older, I seriously think i have SAD And I am feeling like this:     via GIPHY   But all I am wanting is this: via GIPHY   And this  via GIPHY  My count-down app has hit the magical digits where it is only a few sleeps till I jump back onto a plane and head of to Bali. I ...

 I miss you both. Very much.    Written March 7th, 2017 I don’t think that any of the words that I put down here can do justice to the impact losing the both of you has had  the past two years. Every year, the feelings of such sadness and sorrow, that I know so many of us are experiencing just compounds itself and I feel helpless knowing that I will not see you again.   One of my soul sisters suggested that I write it all down, get it all out, or as much as I can to let part of the pain be released so that I can look back on the times that we had together with a smile rather than the crippling grief that I have continued to experience. So here goes. I miss you both. So very much. And I think, because you were both taken is such tragic circumstance, I never had a chance to say goodbye. We all didn’t.  Steve knows, Max, that you and him were and always will be brothers and that If you had not died that there would have been a phone call, a cha...